I Love Me......

“Mary: Tell me, Edmund, do you have someone special in your life?

Edmund: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

Mary: Who?

Edmund: Me.

Mary: No, I mean someone you love, cherish and want to keep safe from all the horror and the hurt.

Edmund: Erm . . . Still me, really”

from-->Richard Curtis and Ben Elton,
Blackadder Goes Forth

Rest in Peace Uncle Dave

Goodbye Uncle Dave, rest in peace,even if your'e gone you'll always have a special space in our hearts. I love you,you're my second father when my dad passed away,and now you're together with him too. Wherever the two of you are right now, i just want you to know that both of you were greatly loved. Rest in peace.

Death.....

My uncle is dying,he refused to undergo dialysis already,he said that he's already tired.He wanted to die because he can't bear the burden he continuously give his family. I love him,if only i have the power to extend his life then i would because i definitely know how it feels like losing someone whose been a big part of your life. I lose my dad, i had seen him dying,and it hurts me so much to see him that way,helpless and so sick. I wish that i can give him my life just so he could survive but life isn't that way. He passed away bringing with him our love and a big part of our lives. Rest in peace pop. I just wish that my cousins will be strong enough to face it. I wish for miracles but it is up to God's will if He'll grant it.

Too Much.....

I think being too nice has also disadvantages. I guess the saying "too much of something is bad", rings true. There's nothing wrong with being nice,i think it starts to get bad when other people takes advantage of you being too nice. What am i saying? It's about this male tenant we have. We treat him like he's one of our family, it's just that he starts to get too comfy with us. He eats here with us, borrowing the things we have even my lappy, overnight(he could borrow it for 1 or 2 hours but overnight?), he just barge in inside our rooms as if its his house. If there's one thing i really hate,its when somebody doesn't respect my privacy and when somebody doesn't know how to respect a closed door(unfortunately our door lock doesn't work,but can he just knock). My mother grows a certain fondness for him,treating him like a son,he on the other hand took advantage of it,and i hate it. There should be some certain gap. Am i just jealous or its just that i just don't like what i started to see?  he started to ask favors,barging in our rooms without knocking and comfortably lie there as if its his,enjoying all our home equipments,eating here.seriously?...i mean seriously. And when i observe something i don't like at all, i immediately keep my distance. I tell my mom about it,and she said that I'm just misinterpreting things wrongly,are you for real mom?...I'm not blind,he's taking advantage of us being too nice. I'm not the type of person who has a certain ability to go tell people to fuck off when I've had enough, i'll show him that i don't like what he does, through my actions, i'll not be that friendly anymore,be cold and keep my distance,i hope he's smart enough to see that i don't like him.

Suicide.......

I just thought of it when one of my student brought up the topic in our lesson at 1300JPT. He's a locksmith who was commissioned to open the locked door of one of his clients. When he opened the door, a dead man's body which is hanging on the ceiling, suddenly came into view. He was deeply shocked and went outside the room running and was scared. He immediately reported the incident to the police and informed the family of the dead man in the room. The mother was really devastated when she knew that her son committed suicide. It's so alarming to know that in Japan,suicide is a common case and every year suicidal rate is increasing. I just wonder why,there could be a lot of factors maybe...hmmm weather could be one, extreme loneliness, refusing to accept failures and mistakes, the need to achieve more but failed to do so, economic crisis, unemployment,a lot of things can be considered but is suicide really a solution to all of those things?, i don't think so. I used to have suicidal tendencies before, but a part of me was always scared whenever i attempted to commit one, i always think of the future,what if i take my life now, will i still experience the good things in life that's in store for me? and most of all i don't want those persons who love me to get hurt when i do that,my mother would surely be devastated, i can't afford to do that to her. Hurting my love ones would be the last thing i wouldn't do.

At Seventeen......

I usually took my afternoon off by taking a nap but i couldn't sleep because there's no electricity and i can't turn on the fan,so i just watch the movie An Education. Carey Mulligan is indeed worth the Oscar nomination she got,she's doing great in that movie. I specifically like her line "i feel very old but not wiser". I can quite relate to it. I'm 27 years old but i feel like i haven't done enough,i feel that there are still a lot of things i need to discover and learn. Education doesn't stop once we finished college,it's just the beginning of the bigger life ahead. So let me flashback 10 years ago,when i was seventeen. How was it like?..hmmm 10 years ago, i was a 4th year student in a La Salle school in my hometown,Surigao. I was naive,innocent and full of high hopes and ideals. I was pretty much well protected by my parents and endowed with Christian teaching at school. I was unusually shy,almost to the point of  shutting myself out of other people. I live in my own world where nobody else could penetrate except me and me alone,not even my parents. I only had a few friends way back then. I was not good in socializing,i suck at that big time. My world is limited to my imaginations,my secret longings,and my plans. When i entered college,that's when i realize to see the bigger picture about life. I started to experiment and do some things which other people might consider foolish and stupid. I experimented with relationships as well,of love and casual hook ups, of lovers and flings, of giving my all and getting heartbroken,. I learned about friendship,who's true or not,who's just bullshitting you with their pretensions or those who's true enough to stay. I learned that people come and go,either they die or just simply doesn't want to be with you anymore. I learned a lot as the days and years passed by and i will continue learning and discovering more about the bigger world out there. That life is indeed different compared to the time when i was seventeen.