Rescue Me

Rescue Me
---from this continued dissatisfaction i felt with my currently routinize life
---from this feelings of depression because i am drowned in it for quite a long time now.
---from this feelings of distrust even with the people around me
---from getting trapped into doing something i don't like because i need to not because i am happy with it
---from not getting a life,and learning to deal with it even to the point of getting used to it.
---from this feelings of insecurities and self-loathing

I guess,no one can rescue me except myself,i need to change my perspective,no one can change the whole situation but me and me alone.

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

3 B's

Got this message from Eric--> when you lose someone you love, you are changed in one of these three ways: you could be BITTER, BETTER or BITCH.

I can't stop myself from smiling because at some point, i did resort to not one but actually all of these three ways.  I was so bitter at some point but then i realize,what's there to be bitter about,when it was meant to end, some relationships are i guess,to quote yahoo movies about 500 days of summer: we walked away with all the same feelings we leave a relationship with -- regret, optimism, and the thought that although we're sad it's over, it was fantastic while it lasted. I am feeling better now,no trace of bitterness whatsoever, as for the bitch part, I've been there done it,another part of me that needs to be closed,no need to elaborate

Last Song Syndrome

I heard this before as a soundtrack from the movie Disturbing Behavior but i lost track since i wasn't able to get the song title,but it stays in my head. I came across with the song again when i watched Sex Drive,don't get me wrong,it's not a porno flick but yeah there are nudity in it but technically it isn't porn, it's a coming of age movie more of like American Pie. So here it goes, Got You(Where I Want You) by the Flys.

I'm Not In Love by Tori Amos

When i fell out of love,songs like this starts to get hold of  me and inspires me in any way,it doesn't mean that i am still bitter about it, it's just that this song completely captures what i feel.

Artist: Tori Amos
Album: Unknown
Title: I’m Not In Love

i’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase i’m going through
And just because i call you up,
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because...
I like to see you, but then again,
That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me
So if i call you, don’t make a fuzz
Don’t tell your friends about the two of us
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because...
I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain still lying there
It hides a nasty stain still lying there
I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain still lying there
It hides a nasty stain still lying there
So don’t you ask me to give it back
I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because...
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time
I’m not in love, it's just a silly phase i'm goin through
And just because i call you up,
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made
I’m not in love
I’m not in love

I Wish You Enough

I just wanna share this email from my dear friend Audrey. It inspires me to have a double check with how i live my life and be thankful with what i presently have and even be thankful of all the things that makes me sad as well.


I  wish you enough rain to appreciate  the  sun even  more.
I wish you enough happiness  to keep your spirit alive and  everlasting.
I wish you enough pain  so that even the smallest of  joys  in life may  appear bigger.
I wish you enough  gain to satisfy  your  wanting.
I wish  you enough loss to appreciate all that you  possess.
I wish you enough hellos  to get you through the final good-  bye.

They say it takes a minute to  find a special person, an hour to appreciate  them, a day to love them; but then an entire  life to forget them.

Life Check

I was deeply moved when i saw this video, I was actually under the influence of alcohol when i saw this, i can't stop myself from crying, i just cry and let my eyes dry up. I am complete,with all the necessary limbs to help me get on with life, but am i happy? honestly I am not, i am not happy at all. I am complete with limbs but i haven't live my life really well. What a shame, i am complete but i am not as happy as him. I haven't  gain any satisfaction with how my life goes. Have i totally live my life the way i want it? sadly i haven't, i live my life the way i should have, i live my life because i have big responsibility under my wings, i have live my life trapped in doing things i need to do, i automatically do the things that i hope will give them the satisfaction they want. I am the saddest 27 year old girl complete with limbs...complete physically but the most impaired in all of them,emotionally impaired, tired, stressed out and lonely.

Under the Influence

One thing i learned from last weekend's crazy  conversation was that-->never ever believe in someone else's words when they're impaired. Impaired as in under-the-influence-of-alcohol kind of impairment. I knew it, he didn't mean any of it at all,well i got excited,yeah but it's okay since i wasn't expecting much too. I don't care if i'll be leading a boring life as long as i don't expose myself that much and i won't never ever allow myself to be too available. It's just another hook up any way,casual thing which he proposes,and i realized that i don't want to have it again. I don't want another hook up, i don't want another game, i don't want another disaster wherein i'll expose myself again to someone who wanted nothing out of it but just a mere hook up.

Of Relationships and Cheating

Why do some persons who are already in a commitment cheats? even commitment as deep as sharing a marriage vow. I just can't get these questions off my mind as there are cases of infidelities I've come to know lately especially from people who are related to me,specifically related to me by blood. I was completely shocked,totally shocked when i  knew it. That person was the last person i expected to cheat, all along i thought that they have the best relationship, i felt really sad, i really didn't know about the real story but i just wish that both of them would patch things up and talk about it. I still totally wish that they'll save their marriage and work it out. What if i'll get married and discover that my husband is cheating on me,how would i react?..would i run?..would i end it right then and there?..would i save it?..would i be another Elin Nordegrens in the world?..am i ready for it?..as what my mother told me, i should be ready and strong enough when facing it,as there are really trials like that in marriage...pait..pait..pait kaayo...

A Fairytale by Plumb

We never talked about it
Cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had
Cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

Together we seem perfect
A fairy tale for sure
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know
We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

JapDramas

I don't consider a drama a good drama unless i can't cry in one. I've seen two great Japanese dramas  lately and all i can say is that when it comes to being creative and imaginative,Japs are indeed good at it. I already finished Hana Yori Dango 1 and 2,including the movie as well, and then done with Kimi Wa Petto too. These two j-dramas never fail to make me shed tears. And now for a change, i am watching Love Shuffle, a romantic comedy about the lives of 4 yuppies in Tokyo. I've seen episode one and this time around it never fail to make me laugh.J-Dramas are indeed the best.